


Her Horse

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 17:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19949716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Astor struggles to deal with Elizabeth's memorial. Astor belongs to SpaceUnicornDot.





	Her Horse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpaceUnicornDot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceUnicornDot/gifts).



The true curse of being so long-lived was that you got to see so many of your friends, of your family, be ushered on into the next world. The first time that Astor had been at such an event, he'd thought that it was the worst feeling in the world. And, really, it was. Nobody wanted to say goodbye to their friends, to their loved ones, to their family. Anyone would think that it would get easier, that was what everyone said. It never did, though. The pain never hurt any less, no matter how many funerals or memorials he'd attended. Of course, there was the upside, too- every birth, every marriage, every first kiss, was still just as precious as the last. His own weddings had all been fabulous, even if only two of his husbands still remained among the living. And hopefully would continue to do so for many more years, if Astor had anything to do with it.

This memorial, though, was quite different to all the rest. Only a few people, those who hadn't gotten the memo, were dressed all in black. In fact, for a funeral, this was quite colourful. Elizabeth would've wanted it that way, though, even if it was already the druid custom. Which it was, and Astor hated that this was not his first druidic funeral or memorial. He'd stayed off to the side for the majority of the memorial, not wanting to say anything or be seen, a hood pulled down low over his face as if to hide it. Not because he didn't want anyone to see him cry, he just... well, he was supposed to be the strong one. The father figure. How could he fall apart when everyone needed him?

"Are you okay?" Evergray asked, taking Astor's hand in his own. Though his voice still rasped, Evergray sounded oddly okay today. Maybe from the lack of talking and the good sea air. Maybe they should go to the beach after this.

"Not really, no," said Astor. "Quite frankly, I'm falling apart."

"You can leave if you need to, they'll understand," said Evergray. He gave a cough but only one this time, mercifully. Astor didn't need to worry about his husband struggling to breathe when he was already trying so hard to hold himself together.

"That's what she'd say, too, you know," said Astor. "Forever putting others before herself, that was my sunshine." The lump in his throat made it hard to breathe, suddenly, and Astor had to blink away tears. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the distant figure of a dapple grey mare, one he recognised, one with a half-circle marking on her forehead. "Calenthe?"

"Who?" Evergray asked, and looked in the direction that Astor was looking. "Oh! I haven't seen that old girl around in ages."

"Me neither," said Astor, almost glad to leave the ruined church behind him as he crossed the lawn to where Calenthe stood with Avalon beside her. The ever-robed druid was stroking his hand along the mare's side, the colour of his robe almost blending in with the colour of her coat. A single wild rose was the only spot of colour on Avalon (Astor was the only one who'd gone all-out with a wild rose flower crown), the twin of the rose woven into Calenthe's mane. Astor wondered who had done that. He thanked them, silently.

"Ah, Calenthe," Avalon said softly as the two other men approached. They kept their distance, though, sensing that this was a private moment. "I know that she regrets not having you around more often. It was for your own safety, you see. After Catherine and the others, she was scared. And then what happened to this current batch of Soul Riders only reinforced that anxiety, that need to keep you away." Calenthe nickered, her gaze far more knowing, far more intelligent, than a regular horse's. She almost looked like she was in mourning as much as the humans. She looked lost, too. Confused. Which wasn't surprising, given that she'd just lost half of her soul. Astor tried very hard not to dwell on that thought for long, though, instead speaking up, though his voice wobbled.

"That was Elizabeth, always putting others before herself. Even if it meant sending her horse away," said Astor, hoping that he wasn't intruding too much. But Avalon didn't seem upset, not that he could tell with the hood covering his face, as he looked up. Instead, he seemed almost relieved at the interruption.

"Ah, Astor, my brother," said Avalon. "How nice to see you." For once, he didn't sound sarcastic.

"I'm glad I was here for this but I'm also not glad," said Astor. "I wish I could've done more, or... but fighting that bitch took too much out of me. Even with Louisa's healing, I was still too weak when it really mattered. I'm so sorry." He'd said as much to the little shrine that had been set up for people to pay their respects at, but it was different, saying it to someone who had been so close to Elizabeth. Someone who had loved her. Astor wished that somebody would blame him, but nobody did. Nobody but himself. Even Alex, who he'd expected to smite him at his admission of guilt, had only taken the blame onto her own shoulders. She was too young for that guilt, they were all too young for this. Hell, even Elizabeth had been too young, and she'd been in her forties.

"I don't blame you, Astor," said Avalon. "What happened was a tragedy, but I don't think we could have avoided it. Not without losing someone else."

"You didn't see it, did you?" Astor asked, suddenly frightened. Avalon shook his head.

"And I thank Aideen for that small mercy," said Avalon. "I always do what is best for the cause, but I couldn't have stopped myself from stopping her had I seen her demise in a vision. If she could be stopped."

"Nothing could stop Elizabeth when she set her mind to something," said Astor. "She loved that girl like her own daughter. I know the feeling."

"I suspect you do," said Avalon. "Which is why it hurts so much."

"Got it in one," said Astor. "She was like a mother to more than one of the kids, too. And that's why this is so hard to deal with. I lost a child, they lost a mother. I can hardly even grieve properly because they need me." Astor wasn't sure when he'd started crying, but he brushed away his tears almost angrily. Dammit. At least the Soul Riders were distracting the Keepers of Light, taking them down to the Midsummer site. Astor was glad that they had that to distract them. They did not need to see him falling apart like this.

"Take a minute," said Evergray. He was never this somber, but if ever there was a time for it...

"Thank you," said Astor, giving his husband a fierce hug and a kiss on the cheek before he walked away, running a hand through his hair. Evergray watched him go, his own heart aching. Astor was so strong, he carried so much, that when he broke down... it felt like the world was ending. Should end.

"I know that we don't always get along, brother," said Avalon, drawing Evergray's attention away from where his husband sat hunched over on a bench under a tree.

"Cats and dogs get along better than us," said Evergray.

"Try Soul Riders and Dark Riders," said Avalon. Evergray cracked a smile, but he couldn't bring himself to laugh.

"You're right," said Evergray.

"Anyway," said Avalon. "Elizabeth knew that there was a high chance that we might not all make it on the trip to save Anne. And so, she... she said that if anything were to happen to her, she wanted someone she could trust to look after her horse."

"Okay, congratulations on the new horse, I guess," said Evergray. Avalon shook his head, and Evergray thought that he glimpsed a smile beneath that hood.

"Not me, brother," said Avalon. "My riding days are long gone. You, on the other hand, have some life left in you yet."

"Wait, me?" Evergray asked, eyes widening. "I-I can't, I'm too... I'm not..."

"Believe me, I was as shocked as you are," said Avalon. "I told her that there was no way in hell you were getting her horse. I believe I said 'over my dead body'. Not the best choice of words, I will admit."

"Did she say what I think she said?" Evergray asked. Avalon sighed.

"'Actually, it'll be over mine', she said," said Avalon. "That really put a dampener on the whole mood. Eventually, she managed to get me to agree to it, but I still wasn't sure that it would come to that until... well..."

"Are you sure?" Evergray asked.

"Absolutely not," said Avalon. "But she believed in you. She evidently saw something in you that many miss. She always was good at that."

"I seem to recall that she voted against exiling me," said Evergray. "She was a good egg, wasn't she?"

"I only hope that she was right about you," said Avalon. "You do have Sun Circle powers, but you're..."

"I can be a girl," said Evergray. He could see Avalon's look without being able to see his face. "But seriously, you know gender doesn't matter when it comes to these things."

"I was going to say that you're dying," said Avalon. "But that too, I suppose."

"And what does Calenthe think about all this?" Evergray asked, holding his hand up for Calenthe to sniff. She looked like she had some energy in her, despite her age.

"She might be able to keep you in line," said Avalon. "Hopefully, anyway."

"Is she my horse or my keeper?" Evergray asked. Calenthe suddenly discovered the feathers and mushrooms hanging from Evergray's staff and began to butt them with her head. "Okay, I'm keeping her. There's just one person I have to talk to first."

As if hearing his words, Astor rose from his seat, cleaning his face with the brightly-spotted handkerchief Evergray had begged him to take with him. Seeing the two, he froze for a moment before hurrying over.

"What happened?" Astor asked. "You look like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar."

"Hey, I'll have you know my Pandorian cookies are delicious," said Evergray. "But in all seriousness, Avalon told me something... interesting."

"He does have a lot of interesting things to say," said Astor.

"More interesting than usual, I mean," said Evergray. "He wants me to, well..."

"Elizabeth said that if anything were to happen to her, she wanted Evergray to take care of Calenthe," said Avalon. "I protested it vehemently."

"Of course you did, you old stick in the mud," said Astor. But the words were automatic while his mind worked to take in what he'd just learned. Sunshine's horse. His husband had been given sunshine's horse. He wasn't sure whether to cry or hug his husband tighter than ever. He settled for both as he wrapped his arms tightly around his husband, tears streaming down his face.

"Is that okay?" Evergray asked, bringing his arms slowly around Astor.

"Please say yes," Astor blurted. He felt like he'd just been handed something very special, like his sunshine had come back to him.

"Are you sure?" Evergray asked. "It won't be too painful, will it?"

"Yes, I'm sure," said Astor. "It'll be like she's still here, I can't think of anyone better to take her horse. And you do need a horse, you can't keep borrowing mine."

"Fair point," said Evergray. "But you know I'll be asking if you're okay with this at least a thousand times, right?"

"And I'll keep telling you it's fine," said Astor. "I'm more than okay with this."

"Then I accept the horse," said Evergray. "Thank you, Avalon. And Elizabeth, of course."

"Astor, make sure he takes good care of that horse," said Avalon.

"I will," said Astor. "But you should have a little more faith in your brother. He's a better rider than you give him credit for."

"I'll believe that when I see it," said Avalon while Evergray made his way over to Elizabeth's shrine.

"Yes, I'll make sure he competes in the next horse show to prove himself to you," said Astor. Avalon snorted.

"And don't be a stranger," said Avalon. "I'd like to see her too."

"We'll come annoy you as often as possible," said Astor. "I promise." Avalon sighed again, but he sounded amused this time.

"Thank you," said Avalon. "I may not trust my brother, but I trust you."

"Thank you for your faith in me," said Astor.

"I only pray that it is not misplaced," said Avalon. Astor knew that he'd be spending his whole life trying to prove himself to these sticks in the mud, but he'd resigned himself to that long ago. At least some of them trusted him.


End file.
